It’s 2019, and feminism is trending world wide. From cherishing Beyoncé for her bad-ass, unapologetic attitude to following Emma Watson’s journey as a UN Women Goodwill ambassador, the concept of feminism nowadays implies that it’s easy for women worldwide to be feminists; just own who you are, don’t take shit from anyone and make sure you declare your adoration for feminist icons when the discussion allows it.
But is feminism that easy? And if not, then what happens if I fail to be one?
I have a Master’s degree in Gender Studies, and whenever this is mentioned among people that I meet for the first time, there is this notion that I am expected to explain what feminism is and why I believe there is a need for such studies. To be honest, I hate when this happens, because I feel like it is only asked of me in order for people – mostly, men – to directly attack my beliefs. The other major reason why I don’t like this is because people act as if I know everything about what being a perfect feminist is. It’s like when people ask me what a certain word in English means (I majored in English Language and Literature) and I am expected – no, obliged – to know.
To be completely frank, in no way do I claim that I know what a perfect feminist embodies, simply because the very notion of feminism is not rigid, but rather perplexed and multi-faceted. I often find myself puzzled about my own feminist values, wondering if I am a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ feminist.
In Fleabag, the main protagonist and her sister are asked during a feminist lecture if they would trade five years of their life for the ‘perfect body’, to which they both culpably raised their hands among a female crowd that kept theirs down.
In one of her video series, ‘Quinta Vs. Womanhood’, Quinta Brunson, during a Women in Media 2017 talk, is asked if she ever had moments that she has compromised her ideas of feminism and the ways she dealt with that. Quinta offers us a series of genuine, comic glimpses of instances when she felt that she compromised her feminism, only to offer to the crowd an answer that was expected of her by self-declared millennial feminists. The video, although hilarious and I must admit, quite true, also suggests that women who support gender equality sometimes feel guilty over their own choices, which may seem to deviate from politically correct ways to ‘be a feminist’.
Some women, myself included, often deal with an internal conflict related to successfully performing and fulfilling the ‘good feminist’ role. It’s as if there is a predefined ‘feminist manifesto’ that includes a series of actions, ideas and words that we have to adhere to, and if we sometimes deviate from them, then we are immediately dubbed as non-worthy feminists. I often find myself displeased with my own body and I feel guilty that I am feeling this way, especially after having attended many lectures at the university where we talked about the various ways that capitalism benefits from feeding on women’s insecurities. I will never forget how bad I felt one day when during my Feminist Theory class, we were analysing Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth and how women are obsessed with achieving a certain standard of beauty, commodified and advertised widely around the world, only to shamefully remind myself that I have more than 20 Victoria’s Secret underwear in my drawer. That moment, I felt embarrassed and a hypocrite (that being said, I did not get rid of any of my underwear. #sorrynotsorry).
Being a feminist is not easy. Merely wearing a t-shirt with a feminist quote on it, or owning a Frida Kahlo tote bag (enough with Frida’s commodification, by the way) is simply not enough to consider oneself part of the movement. Precisely because it is difficult, we are more prone in being uncertain about the nature of actions that we take, the thoughts that we have, which sometimes do not fit the feminist ideal. But that’s really okay. In my mind, there is no correct way of being a feminist, as long as one supports equality among all sexes, around the world. Of course, it’s not that simple, but no one is perfect, and it is impossible to simply say and do the right things all the time – after all, what is right? By recognising the complexities of the issue, we also allow ourselves to be seen as real human beings.
One of my favourite female character TV portrayals is that of Diane Nguyen from the series Bojack Horseman. Diane is an intelligent woman in her early thirties, who is passionate about what she wants to achieve in life but does not quite find the right means to do so. She seems to be in constant conflict with herself and her feminist values, and she doesn’t always follow the best solution to her problems. Throughout the series, she unravels as this genuinely realistic and complex character, encapsulating a wide array of concerns that makes it natural for a lot of women to identify with. What I really love about Diane’s representation, however, is how humane she appears to be, an introverted feminist with insecurities and issues of her own, still uncertain about how to face them. It is particularly refreshing to see such female characters being developed in TV series and to demonstrate the feelings of a lot of women out there.
I sometimes ask myself, am I a bad feminist for desiring things that do not fall within the universally acceptable ways of being a feminist? I hope that someday I will make peace with myself and my thoughts, and realise that it’s okay to be human; understand, in some way, that struggling with feminist values in my life does not negate the passion and commitment I have for the movement. In the words of Roxane Gay, “I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy. I’m not trying to be an example. I am not trying to be perfect.”
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